THE ALMIGHTY LIST

THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED!  I received input from a number of readers, friends, family members, and even the official medical consultant for Bobbing for Popcorn (okay, so it’s my doctor, but it makes us both sound way cooler) and the list of the FORTY THINGS I am challenged to complete by my FORTIETH BIRTHDAY has been compiled.  It equally pumps me up and terrifies me!  There are some really fun things that are going to be SO COOL and others that are scary as hell!  But that was the point, I guess.  So without further ado, in no particular order, here it is:

1. Eat a carolina reaper pepper

I’ve done hot challenges before, but never anything THIS hot!

2. Polar bear swim

I hate swimming.  I hate the cold.  This sounds perfect.

3. lose 40 pounds

This is probably the biggest challenge on the list but probably the most important one too.  Phew…this one is going to take some work!

4. go camping/Hiking

Believe it or not, there are a number of normal things on this list that I have never done.  This being one of them.

5. visit a legitimately haunted location

I’m not talking about local lore, or somebody’s uncle said he saw the curtains move once.  I’m talking a place one of those ghost hunter shows would go investigate.

6. finish writing a novel

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  I started writing this a long time ago.  What better way to light a fire under me to get the job done?

7. run a 5k

Oh sweet baby Jesus give me strength.

8. flip & sell a house

My wife and I have had a rental property for quite a while.  Time to channel my inner Bob Villa and fix it up and sell it to another family.

9. try bulletproof coffee & “cat poop” coffee

I love coffee…these frighten me.

10.  paintball

What better way to shoot your friends without anyone pressing charges?!!

11.  target shooting

I have never fired a gun.  I don’t believe I’ve ever actually held a real one in my life.  Judging by the fact that I usually need supervision when using scissors and I whimper at loud noises, I can’t see how this could go wrong.

12.  hug a llama

This might be the greatest thing I do in my life.

13.  go caroling

Seems a bit easy.  Maybe we’ll sing 80s hip hop mash-ups instead.

14.  grill day

If it isn’t grilled, we don’t eat it.  All day long.

15.  take a painting class

This one should be a piece of cake – I can draw hand turkeys like there’s no tomorrow!

16.  ride a horse

The poor horse probably wants me to lose the 40 pounds first…

17.  sing karaoke

I was in choirs all my life and was lucky enough to be allowed to sing solos.  I was a vocal music major for a semester and performed numerous musical numbers on stage…but I’ve always been freaked out by karaoke!  I don’t know why!  Terrifies me!

18.  learn basic guitar

I’m not looking to be the next Prince, but I just always wanted to strum along to a Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash tune.

19.  milk a cow

Some days you have to grab the bull by the horns, other days you have to grab the cow by the teats.  This is one of those days.

20.  participate in a flash mob

One reader suggested a kazoo performance…it’s got potential.

21.  make a 1/2 court basketball shot

NOTE: I suck at basketball.  It is one thing I am the worst at!  This could take a long time!

22.  hold a tarantula

The person who suggested this is no longer a friend of mine.

23.  go skiing

Again, something most people have done.  Not me.  Not even once!  I’ve never even been to anywhere while other people skied while I watched from a chalet!

24.  beat the original “Super Mario bros.”

The game that started a revolution has always escaped my nimble thumbs.  It’s time I take down Bowser and save that princess once and for all.

25.  go ice skating

Nope.  I put on skates once, dragged myself along the wall for about 20 feet, threw a tantrum, quit, and went home…I was probably 17…not one of my prouder moments.

26.  Create an animated short film

This one was just too intriguing not to try!

27.  sing the national anthem at a public event

Dear God please let me remember the words.

28.  act like a professional announcer for a youth sports team

I think this one would be a riot if the kids didn’t know I was going to do it!

29.  hit a home run out of a local ball park

I never played sports as a kid (I was too busy trying to beat that damn Mario Bros. game) so this is one of those thrills I’ve never experienced.

30.  snow golf

Now THIS ONE I have participated in before a few times.  However, to keep it on my list I think we’re going to need to play a full 18 holes.

31.  do a police ride-along

I have already contacted the police and was given permission to ride shotgun (maybe literally this time).  I have also informed the officer who will be hosting me that I reserve the right to sing the theme to “Cops” as many times as I want.

32.  perform at an open mic comedy club

Again, it’s strange.  I write comedy.  I perform in front of audiences all the time.  But this scares the crap out of me!

33.  get ordained

Bonus points if someone wants me to marry them!

34.  donate blood

I have a terrible phobia of needles…this could get very entertaining for you guys.

35.  meet a childhood idol

Could be tricky since most of them were cartoons…

36.  catch a big fish

I used to go fishing with many different members of my family all the time growing up.  However, while the lake we fished out of is full of walleyes, muskies, and bass, I only ever walked away with a couple sunfish and perch.  I can’t even tell stories about “the one that got away” because he never gave me a chance.  I want to catch “the big one!”

37.  Get a reading from a psychic

I’m super skeptical.  It’s going to take quite the reading to convince me that I’m not wasting my time with this one.  But I promise to keep an open mind and not to get too snarky when the spirits are visiting.

38.  audition for a movie or television show

Oh, why not?  Find an open audition and send in a video.  Who knows, I might be Man In Hat 2 in the 18th Mission: Impossible movie.  Dare to dream!

39.  help a beekeeper

I’m guessing these little guys are harder to milk than cows, but I’ll do my best to get the honey out.

40.  take a whirlwind trip to anywhere new

I’ve never done a lot of traveling, so the whole spontaneous jet-setting lifestyle is foreign to me.  I’ve never been farther west than Indianapolis.  Florida once and very few places north of there until you hit Pennsylvania.  As far as other countries go, Canada is it and I haven’t even been back there in over a decade.  So where should I rush off to on a whim?  Vegas?  London?  Hollywood?  Nambia?!!!  I’m going to hop in a car or on a plane, plant my feet on new ground (for me), snap a couple photos, and then head back home.

* * * * * * *

So that’s it!  My challenges for this year.  I will try to give you updates as weekly as possible (I have 12 extra Fridays that I can play with).  I am also going to challenge myself to get you guys AT LEAST 40 new Top Ten Tuesdays AND 40 new posts that are not Top Ten or 40 By 40 list related.  At least 120 new posts in 2018 just cuz I like ya!

So PLEASE, like, share, retweet, comment, and invite your friends to join in all the popcorny goodness!  And buckle up, this is going to be a busy year!

“Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.” ~ Henny Youngman

Tick Tock…

I’ve been scarce this week because A) I was celebrating Christmas with my family, B) I just did 23 posts and a 30-minute video for you people, cut me some slack!!! and C) I was enjoying my birthday festivities!  Yup – my natal day has once again come and gone.  For those of you who know me (and for those creepy stalker type readers who remember all the details of one of my old posts), you know I came into the world a couple days after Christmas – which is AWESOME as an adult because for most of my birthdays  (like all but 3 or 4 of them) I have never had to go to work!  Of course one of those few birthdays I got laid off after helping stop a shoplifter…but that’s a story for another time.

As a child, my birthdays weren’t the best; terrible weather, limited choices for places to have a birthday party, you have to invite everyone in your class (even the ones who are mean to you all year long and then there they sit, sucking down your pizza and juice boxes…but I digress).  My parents did well making my special day feel special despite it being so close to Christmas (that Jesus guy really stole my thunder) and even to this day, birthdays are a huge deal to my parents.  My mother plans out every course of a kick-ass meal with the birthday boy or girl – it doesn’t matter if you want tacos or steaks (or steak tacos for that matter).  My father never forgets to hang the birthday banners which are given preferential locations so that they are in the foreground of any other holiday decorations (which means a lot seeing as though most of my immediate family are born near major holidays).

However, this birthday was a unique one for me…this was #39.  Bye bye thirties.  As far as my aging goes, I’m fine with it – I think I was dreading 30 more than 40.  Everyone kept telling me that 30 isn’t bad, you’ll be fine, you won’t feel any different (of course on my 30th birthday I was hit with a massive stomach flu and could barely move…so those people are all liars).  However, I want to really live it up this year.  AND NO, this is not some sort of mid-life crisis (mainly because I hope to make it past 80, on the other hand there are also people who look at me and say, “Damn!  You made it to 39?  I lost money in that pool!”) this is just a way for me to get the most out of the end of my 30s AND create more entertainment for you guys!  I mean, I have this nifty blog with readers  from all over (sure some of them are hackers trying to steal IP addresses, but I still count them, I’m not too proud), and most of my readers have the same fun, slightly twisted, refuse-to-grow-up personality that I have…that’s why I’m leaving this up to you.

MAKE ME A 40 BY 40 LIST!!!

I’ve looked up a bunch of “40 Things You Have To Do Before You Turn 40” lists and most of them suck.  They are either full of stuff I’ve already done (get married, have kids, buy a house) or it’s full of crap no normal person could afford (visit all seven continents, get your piloting license, scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef).

So here’s what I need from you:

  1. Things you think I should do/experience/learn/try before the end of 2018.
  2. Keep it attainable within a year.
  3. Keep my budget in mind (think below public defense attorney and above homeless guy asking for change…stick closer to the homeless guy).
  4. Keep it legal and ethical(ish) – nothing that jeopardizes my marriage (more than I do on my own) or my job (more than I do on my own) or my physical well-being…okay, screw the last one.
  5. MAKE IT FUN – I’m going to be creating posts and videos for you to enjoy for these things, so if you’re bored by them, you only have yourself to blame.

Comment here, or on Facebook, or on Twitter, or email me before Thursday.  I will choose the 40 finalists and present the list to you NEXT FRIDAY!!!

On your mark, get set…..GO!

“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” ~ Bobby Kelton